Balance

I probably hear it at least once a day.  Maybe more.  "you're too hard on yourself" I hear it at work.  I hear it all the time from my hubby, my best friends.  I don't ever think I'm thin enough, fast enough, not a good enough mother, nurse, friend, athlete. ever.  I don't know why, I guess its just my personality. 

 It's easy to stay the same.  But it isn't easy to challenge yourself to do something new, to change or to grow.  I always think that I can do better- in everything.  It doesn't mean that I'm not happy with where I am, it just means that I don't want to stay the same.

 Sometimes you know at the end of the race you could have pushed just a little harder.  For example, at my 2nd 1/2 marathon my time was 2:01  I was really happy about it.  But, yeah, part of me was kicking myself.  1 minute and I would have been sub-2 and that would have been AWESOME!  If I had been faster would I have wanted more? Who knows. 

Even though I don't really see this trait as a bad thing, I do understand what people are saying.  I think what they mean is don't be so mean to yourself.  I can be a bit negative.  I don't mean to be its just the way I kick myself in to gear.  But I suppose I could do it in a more positive way.  The other day as I was saying something about being fat my hubby said something along the lines of 'must be hard to hear that about yourself all the time'.  Basically that calling myself names and being negative can't be good for me.   I certainly wouldn't talk to my daughters the way I talk to myself sometimes.  I can work on that.  

Today I went back to track for the first time in a year.  It was hard.  Track sucks  (because its hard work) but it makes you faster. My coach is tough but knows how to push me while still being encouraging and kind.  I wasn't sure about going back so soon but I'm glad I did.  It reminded me that I really love this.  I do want to lose weight and I know I will but mostly I just love training.  I like to run.  I like my team and I'm so happy to be back.